Tomorrow
I hope to bounce my way into the record books by trampolining higher
than anyone in history. My target height is 200 feet.
In
order to gain sufficient momentum to achieve this amazing feat I shall
be leaping out of a hot air balloon half a mile up. The key to success
will be actually landing on the trampoline.
I
have taken safety precautions. Should strong winds blow me off target
Uncle Patrick will be on hand to throw grandmother underneath me to
break my fall.
The current world record
trampoline bounce is held by Hilda Wilcox, a 96 year old from Hull. She
inadvertently smashed the previous record when she tumbled drunkenly
from her fifth floor balcony whilst demonstrating the Lambada.
Her
landing on a neighbour’s trampoline was fortuitous to say the least,
and breaking the previous record even more so. Sadly her luck ran out as
she was bounced into a sewage reprocessing plant where she drowned in
vat of excrement.
Fingers crossed the same doesn’t happen to me.
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