Go too far back and you won't understand a word anyone says, and eventually you're bound to blow your cover by saying some thing stupid like: "Aren't the roads quiet", or asking a passing monk where you can get a replacement battery for your digital watch.
Go too far forward and your lack of electronic enhancements will single you out, as as will asking a space cop for directions to the nearest Curry's because you need a replacement battery for your digital watch.
Even if you bluff your way through you are bound to get the fashion wrong: are hats in? Should you wear jeans, lycra or a tin foil suit? Frankly it's anyone's guess but one thing is for sure: time travel will not meet your expectations.
This is why I have written a handy guide for wannabe Time Lords. I Go Time Travelling Now And Then is based on my own extensive time travelling experiences, plus some imagination, and is full of handy tips that will help you make the most of you excursions to other eras.
Here are some top tips to get you started:
The best way to fit in when visiting the middle ages is to grow a beard, pick up a skin disease and look puzzled at the effects of gravity.
Never waste your time going to North Wales, Rochdale, rural France or any of the southern United States. How will you know whether your time machine has worked?
Don't under any circumstances have sexual relations with any of your own ancestors. Aside from being grubby and immoral, it can really bugger up a family tree:
Nan: "It's uncanny, you're the spitting image of your grandad."
You, awkwardly: "Yes, there's a reason for that..."
Finally don't assume that you'll doing everyone a favour by meddling with events. Your actions can have unexpected consequences and murdering Hitler in 1932 won't seem like such a good idea if you return home to a nuclear wasteland where the few remaining people speak French.
No comments:
Post a Comment