Monday, 24 March 2014

Dentists and Lollies (from the archive)

My dentist never gives me a lolly anymore.  I don’t think she’s completely forgiven me for biting off three of her fingers.  I reckon she got off lightly.  I don’t let just anyone stick their fist in my gob, you know (well, not on a first date).

There’s a shortage of NHS dentists, so I’m setting up my own emergency mobile practice.  For fifteen quid I’ll pop round on my motorcycle, wrench out all your teeth and stick putty in the holes.  It will hurt, and it won’t be pretty, but you’ll get a lolly.  Vain customers after a bit of cosmetic whitening will get to gargle a litre of Dulux Gloss for three minutes, plus a lolly.  That’ll be thirty quid (or twenty-five if you can spit the paint back into the tin).  For fifty quid I’ll supply you with three hundred lollies and wait for your teeth to fall out by themselves, then I'll fill the holes with putty, and give you a lolly.

If I can negotiate a good deal on the lollies I could make a fortune.

No comments:

Post a Comment