Monday, 24 March 2014

Hunter Gatherer (from the archive)

What am I doing sitting at a desk all day wearing a suit and being polite to people?  Genetically I’m a predator and I have a strong urge to burn down parts of Essex.

It is an irresolvable conflict and instinct is getting the better of me.  Last week my patience snapped and I went on a rampage, hunting down my prey as nature indented.  I must have shocked the nice people in Marks & Spencer as I sat in the corner tearing into a precooked chicken drumstick twin-pack.  It’s the closest thing M&S sell to a live Gazelle.

When I’d finished I ran out with a female mannequin dressed in beachwear under my arm.  That’s the last thing I remember before waking up a day later in the public park, naked and shamed, but feeling fulfilled in an animalistic sort of way.  
It’s not just me is it?

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