Monday, 24 March 2014

TV Ratings (from the archive)

I’ve just bought ten philosophy lecturers from a Polish University.  I plan to have five of them eaten by a mob of Year 9 comprehensive school children.  The survivors will be the first contestants in my new game show Brain Vs Brawn.  Naturally they will represent Brain and they will compete against a gang of welders (collective IQ 420) in a Special Challenge.

The Special Challenge is to drag a yacht from the middle of the desert to the sea using only logic and a piece of string.  The winning team gets to keep the yacht for an entire week.  The losers are drafted into the Royal Navy and put on minesweeping duties. 

Ratings success is virtually guaranteed as the show will air on the popular ITV9 channel immediately after Eat The Chef, the new hit cooking programme in which two celebrity chefs knife each other to death and the loser is fed to a mob of Year 9 comprehensive school children.

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