Monday, 24 March 2014

Undertakers And Anniversaries (from the archive)

To mark their tenth wedding anniversary Uncle Arthur presented Sally with a coffin and a shovel.

What the gift lacked in romance it made up for in practicality.  The following day his mobility buggy went haywire in the local library and he was tragically crushed to death when the entire archaeology section toppled on top of him.  It took ten bearded PhD students three weeks to dig him out, by which time he had incurred 45p in overdue fines.

Sally wasted little time mourning. She seized the opportunity to realise her childhood dream of becoming an undertaker, and decided to specialise in the growing ‘Unlikely Accidents Involving Mobility Buggies’ niche.

She thrived.  Within four months she had seven branches and a warehouse full of crash damaged mobility buggies, which as a sideline, she sells at boot fairs.  She even won ‘Most Successful Newcomer’ in the Annual British Undertaker Awards 2006, receiving a beautifully crafted miniature glass sarcophagus, in which she keeps Arthur’s library ticket in acknowledgement of his contribution to her success.

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