Hold on to your hats. Tomorrow is going to be the
windiest day ever recorded. This not because of freak global weather
events, but because I will be attempting to break the world record for
the biggest desk fan ever made.
Fanny (the
fan) is a masterpiece of shed-based engineering. 500 feet tall, her
legs are made of bamboo and her four propellers are old garage doors.
The whole thing is held together with bandages bought from an A&E
closing down sale. Fingers crossed it isn’t too windy tomorrow and that
Fanny doesn’t topple over onto the school.
Environmentalists
will be reassured to learn that Fanny is gluten free, hypoallergenic
and carbon neutral (apart from the thirty thousand AA batteries required
to power the propellers).
The blow-a-thon
starts at eleven and I’m expecting a big crowd. Representatives of
Desk Fan Clubs from all over the world are attending. Many will be
demonstrating their own Desk Fan creations. Expect the weird and the
wonderful! Mother will be providing refreshments from her Traditional
Pork Pie van.
In a spectacular Mass Blow-Off Finale five hundred fans will attempt to blow a dozen pensioners off a railway bridge.
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